


As Written by Goku

by Tarvok



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Character Study, Epistolary, Eventual Goku/Vegeta, Former Goku/Chi-Chi, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mild Language, Past Abuse, Saiyan Culture, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 04:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 44
Words: 9,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarvok/pseuds/Tarvok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goku's journal. Takes place over several years.</p><p>As any survivor of abuse knows, it can be really confusing when some people act like it's okay, while others don't. Who do you believe?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my first DB fic, but it is the first I'm posting here. The last one I wrote was over 20 years ago. Dayum. Anyway, now that I'm feeling old, here it is!

As Written by Goku

By Tarvok

 

Today I took a walk. It was down by that one stream I like. The one with all the colorful little fish.

Vegeta once said he liked the fish. I knew not to tell anybody. I think that's why he tells me stuff now. Bulma used to just blab everything he told her to her friends. That never bothered me, but he's proud and personal with what he shares.

I tried explaining it once. She got mad. Vegeta just walked away. Two days later, he told me some stuff about his mom. She sounds really amazing. I wish I had a mom.

She used to bake these cookie-type things for him when he got done with his tutoring. Most of the fighting techniques he knows came from his mom.

Tomorrow he's gonna teach some to me. I can't tell Trunks. I don't think it'd be fair. Part of me doesn't care, though. It makes me happy that we're friends.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm having trouble with one of the techniques. It just looks like I'm too big to do it. Vegeta's just so... _graceful._ I flop around like a whale.

UGH.


	3. Chapter 3

I feel dumb today. Dumber than usual. It's even worse, because I fucked up so bad and Vegeta didn't even call me on it. He didn't even call me an idiot.

Trunks came out to where we were training, and wanted to join in. I said no. He asked why and I told him his dad and I were training alone.

He got upset and yelled at me. Said I was acting weird and that I was taking his dad from him.

I said that I couldn't do that! He didn't own his dad. Then he screamed at me and flew off. Kids are weird.

Later in the afternoon, while I was eating lunch with Professor and Mrs. Briefs, Bulma walked over and brought it up and said I was being insensitive. I told her Trunks was being that way first. She proceeded to go on and on just like Chi-chi used to. My head started to hurt and it made me so mad. I yelled at her to shut up just as Vegeta entered the room.

She took one look at him and when he didn't do anything, she started crying. Her mom said I was being mean. Vegeta didn't get mad at me, even though I did a bad thing to Bulma. Right? 

I mean, I left Chi-chi for being that way, so what she was doing was wrong, too, right?

I'm so confused. Why didn't Vegeta just say I was being stupid?


	4. Chapter 4

I had a good day. It was time for Master Roshi's annual get together. I got to say hi to everybody who showed up, and I even got to spend some time with Gohan. He's getting big. I think he's 14 now. Yeah.

Chi-chi didn't get mad at me or anything when I dropped the plate of cupcakes. I was so nervous.

Bulma even helped me to pick them up and saved a few. She said she was sorry for snapping at me last month. She forgot that it made me feel bad. I said I was sorry for yelling at her. I've never yelled before.

She gave me a couple of the cupcakes, and after I found him standing in the shade of the palm trees, I offered Vegeta one. I thought he looked confused, so I sat next to him and held one up to him. 

He shrugged and ate it. I laughed when he made a sound and spat out some grass. I said I'd pass on it, and left mine for the gulls. 

Being with Vegeta makes me happy. I know nobody really understands, but that's okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Vegeta invited me to his yoga class. I shouldn't have laughed, but I thought he was joking! He got mad at me, and we ended up missing it. I spent the rest of the afternoon apologizing and wouldn't let him go until he forgave me. He finally did when Bulma's mom came outside and said supper was ready. 

I get to go next week. ^__^


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a really long time since I've posted anything here the way I used to. My laptop died, and I've not been able to post any new chapters or stories without borrowing from somebody. It's that requirement to paste using a keyboard in order to put up longer writings that's my problem. It's been driving me nuts, because I have so many things I want to write and I can't afford a computer.
> 
> Anyway, I'm going to be continuing this until I can find a better solution, as Goku's entries are short and I don't need to worry about losing anything if I take too long to write it out on my tablet.
> 
> I've also decided to make this a "real time" sort of thing, so if doesn't follow a timeline you're aware of, understand it's based on our real-world calendar.
> 
> Now on to the show!

Huh. It's been a  _really_ long time since I wrote stuff, hasn't it? Wow. 

Well, I've been super busy! Gohan moved in with us, and...  _Oh!_ That's right. I forgot to write it out.

So I've been living in the woods outside South City the past few months with Vegeta. It's a funny story. I guess... Bulma laughed...

See, we were just sitting around outside one day when Vegeta stomped over and yelled at Bulma for something that I didn't understand. She got that weird tone she always has when she thinks she's right about stuff, and yelled at him back. She said something about me agreeing that he's an awful person, and I told her that I didn't think Vegeta was a bad person. I could tell she was mad, but she didn't say anything to me. She just passed some papers over to Vegeta to sign and told him to leave if he hated "it" so much.

Then she told me that I lived with Vegeta now because I cost too much, so I went and got all my stuff and followed him to South City. He was quiet the whole way. All I could hear was Bulma laughing as we left, anyway.

I don't know why Bulma laughed. I don't like feeling like the butt of a joke...

As for Gohan, Chi-chi kicked him out for not doing something she told him to, so he moved in with us. Vegeta was cool about it.


	7. Chapter 7

So I guess it's a bad thing Chi-chi kicked Gohan out. Vegeta said they didn't even do that to Saiyan kids. I told him I didn't think it mattered since he's got two Saiyans to look after him anyway. It's like we're his parents! 

He got this weird look on his face when I said that. He didn't say anything to me, though.

Gohan's still doing okay in school, but he says he doesn't like it anymore. The other kids are mean.

I don't know what to do. He cries sometimes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, Goku can't spell some things. If I wrote this using the voice coming through, nobody could read it! ;)

Gohan wouldn't go to school today. We trained and did a sigh-ents project he made up instead. Well, Vegeta did it. I just watched.

He's so smart. Both of 'em, I guess.

Maybe he doesn't need school.


	9. Chapter 9

So Bulma came over yesterday. It was Saturday, so Gohan and me were watching TV.

Chi-chi told Bulma she doesn't want Gohan living here. I don't know why she told me. I told her that I know I'm not good enough to be his dad.

Vegeta got mad and told her to leave. She didn't want to.

I went in the other room and went to bed early while they were arguing. I don't like Gohan seeing that, but what can I do? Stopping Chi-chi always made her hit Gohan instead of me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anybody needs another warning, this isn't a happy story... though it has a happy outcome.

Today Gohan asked me what a "fag-it" is. I don't know. I asked him where he heard it. He said Bulma called Vegeta that last night.

I think I heard her. All I know is it shut him up and she left right after. I didn't even see him at breakfast.

Should I ask somebody? Maybe Krillin?


	11. Chapter 11

I called Krillin. He wouldn't answer me. 

He kept asking me if Gohan was okay. My belly started to hurt, so I hung up and went outside.

We were all eating dinner when the phone rang. Vegeta answered it.

He said 18 said "sorry" and to "not worry about it." Neither of us knew what she meant.


	12. Chapter 12

Gohan's teacher called today. She wanted to know if he was sick. I don't know how she got our number.

I said he wasn't sick. I said I didn't think he needed school, since he's so smart and the other kids make fun of him anyway.

She asked me what I ess-peckted them to do since he was living with two men. I told her his mom kicked him out, what was I supposed to do. 

I don't understand what me and Vegeta living together is supposed to mean. Why do people keep having a problem with it?

She said he had to go to school or I'd be in trouble. I said I'm not afraid of trouble and hung up.


	13. Chapter 13

My head hurts really bad today. Vegeta answered the phone 'cause it wouldn't stop ringing. He never answers the phone.

The lady from Gohan's school called again. He told me he told her Gohan won't be going back. Said she got mad. Said he knew how to teach him things. Then somebody else called and said if he took some tests, he could home teach him or something. 

I think they thought Vegeta was Gohan's dad. 

My head really hurts.


	14. Chapter 14

18 came by for a visit. She brought cookies with pink frosting on them.

Gohan ate them all since they were razberry flavour.

18 said she's gonna be a mommy. She wanted us to promise we'd babysit.

Vegeta thought it was stupid. Gohan really wanted to do it. I just kept quiet.

I went to the kitchen while she was talking. After a while, she came over.

She asked me if I was okay. I said I didn't think so. I asked her about that word.

18 said it was a mean word about a man who loves another man. She asked me where I heard it, and I told her about Gohan asking me 'cause he heard it from Bulma.

She asked me if I loved Vegeta.

I told her I don't know what love is. She looked sad and wrapped her arms around my middle.

I looked up and saw Vegeta standing next to the fridge. I couldn't read his face.


	15. Chapter 15

Having a hard day today. My head doesn't hurt as bad. My heart hurts instead.

I heard Vegeta talking about his mom to Gohan. I'm mad, but I don't think I should be.

I thought that was my thing to have. 

I'm a sick person to be upset about it. 

Was Chi-chi right all this time? Am I just a big selfish shithead? 

 


	16. Chapter 16

I had a bad dream. 

Vegeta woke me up and told me to tell him about it. It's stupid.

I'm not a Saiyan anymore in the dream, I guess, 'cause in the dream Chi-chi hurts me real bad. She makes me do things I don't want. If I fight her, she gets mad and does things to me I can't tell him about 'cause I feel sick.

He said I should tell him so I can stop feeling gross about it. I said that wouldn't work. He said to try it anyway.

So I told him Chi-chi was mad that I didn't give her enough money. I said I didn't want to be with her anymore and I felt bad about marrying her. She got really angry and hit me so hard I couldn't get away. The things she made me do after made Gohan be born.

He was quiet for a long time. Then he asked me if I thought it was a memory and not just a dream. I said I don't have fake stuff dreams anymore.

He told me to go back to sleep. He said that he'd stay in my room since I'd probably wake him up again.

When I woke up this morning, there was some toast next to me on the bed with that blue jam I like. I thought we ran out.

My room smelled like Vegeta. He's nice sometimes.


	17. Chapter 17

It's been a couple weeks since Vegeta started home teaching Gohan. Um,  _schooling_ him, I guess. I don't know. It sounds so strange to call it that.

I'm real surprised at them for getting along. I even started sitting with 'em sometimes. It's boring though. UGH. I'd rather eat or train or... anything!

Gohan gave me some of the fancy letter papers the counts-seller um... teacher people person accidentally put in his stuff. It's fun, but I don't know what they mean. I try to make them look pretty instead of like what I'm writing now looks. 

Vegeta just keeps sort of staring at me while I fiddle with 'em. 

I just want to stare back and say, _no, I can't read it._ But I don't want that look from him. The one I got from Chi-chi. The one I always get from everybody else when they think I can't see. 

I _know_ I'm stupid.

I'm really tired. The letters gave me another headache. I keep thinking of  _her_ hitting me on the side of my head without wanting to. The side I fell on when I was a baby.

I never should have told her.

:(


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last note on it: Goku can't spell a lot of things in this. If I wrote it like that, though, you'd be unable to read it.
> 
> Please keep it in mind. :)

I went for a walk with Gohan today. He said he is happy now. He still can't sleep that good and he still cries sometimes. But he told me Vegeta sits with him so the monsters don't get him. 

Is he too old to be afraid of monsters? I'm too strong, but... never mind.  _Monsters._

He asked me if I'm happy. I don't know.

I had another bad dream last night, so I got up and slept on the couch instead of staying in that room. When I woke up, Vegeta was sitting on the coffy table, looking at me.

I asked him why he's always looking at me. He said it's 'cause I'm always there to look at.

Makes sense. I guess.


	19. Chapter 19

Slept late today. 

I was awake for a little while, though, some time just after sunrise. There's this bird that always makes enough noise to get me up then. I named him Billy. Billy the Bad Egg. Hehe. He's always being noisy. Nosey, too.

Anyway, everybody must've been up then. 'Cause I heard some stuff from the kitchen. I don't know. I went back to sleep.

Nothing really happened today. I only found out the letters I've been messing with are actually Saiyan letters Vegeta wrote out for Gohan. He didn't want them... I just figured they were from somewhere else. I felt kinda silly that I didn't ask first.

Vegeta said he'd tell me what they mean if I want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Billy was a Blue Jay. He was always singing at 7:36 every morning. Or 6:36, depending on daylight savings. Every day.
> 
> He got me through some serious shit for a couple years. Until his noisy ways pissed off the hawk he was always warning everybody about, one too many times.
> 
> There'll never be another like him. That grief will always be with me. We were friends. He was family.
> 
> Why Billy the Bad Egg? Because we already had a noisy Robin named Willis (from "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"), and Billy was a Grade A badass. I couldn't openly call him Billy the Badass since I had young relatives with prickly parents. And he was huge, and he'd just hip-butt other birds... and a damn squirrel once, out of the way when he'd eat. Hell, he'd follow me on my walks, singing the whole time. Scared people. It was great.
> 
> I did totally laugh at people when they were freaking out over how he'd land on the porch and scream at visitors who would never scream back... so he'd never shut up and follow them around screaming. I learned early on to yell back at him. Ah, memories. Gawd was he loud, though. Full volume. ALWAYS. Your ears would be ringing and your voice hoarse by the time he'd shut up after "just meeting" you. 
> 
> I miss that stupid bird. I'd like to scream at everybody I first meet. It'd be a great way to find true friends. LOL
> 
> Thanks for listening. Most folks just make fun of me for loving a feathered bro.
> 
> ....
> 
> Yet get mad when you call their dog ugly. Figures.


	20. Chapter 20

I got to spar today. Piccolo came over to see Gohan, and before he left I got him to spar with me.

The phone rang a bit ago, but since Vegeta can read the eye-dee and didn't pick it up, I guess it was nobody important. 


	21. Chapter 21

Bulma brought Trunks over to see his dad. They didn't stay long. I got the feeling she wanted him to stay over. I mean, she was all dressed up and he had his bookbag with him. 

I was too nervous to go out there so I just hid in my room. I overheard Vegeta telling Trunks he could sleep over next week, but that tonight we didn't have room. Or food. Or money for food. I heard Bulma mumble something that sounded mean and ended in, "but you have three rooms!" before Vegeta growled and said "next week" at her.

I tried to catch more, but Gohan snuck into my room and we both hid under my bed. It was hard to hear any more 'cause we were giggling too loud.


	22. Chapter 22

Today was weird. I woke up to a few crates of Chocobees cereal all over the living room and Gohan crying at the dining table. I just stood there all confused until Vegeta, still in his underwear, asked him what was wrong. I couldn't make out what he said, but Vegeta told me to make myself useful and get everybody some cereal. 

By the time I got my bowl after giving them each theirs, Vegeta told me Gohan was just happy. Turns out Trunks had bulk-ordered a bunch of food on his mom's card and had it sent over. Gohan really likes Chocobees. I thought only I liked those.

Vegeta also told me that if he was going to keep doing the dishes, I had better not leave so much food on my plate.

Oops.


	23. Chapter 23

So the phone was ringing over and over and over again this morning. It woke me up! I went out to answer it, but whoever called hung up. Vegeta was leaning against the counter munching on something. 

When it started to ring again, he yanked the cord out of the wall. He offered me some of his jerky. Said he was out early hunting for food. Told me my turn was tomorrow since we're running low. It's always so fun to hunt. I kinda wished I could've been first, but I can't make stuff like jerky with ki. I just burn everything.

I asked who kept calling. He said it was Chi-chi. After the first few times of him answering, she refused to talk to him. So he let it ring. I wanted to know what she wanted. He said our address so she could visit.

I'm not okay with that. Vegeta said if she somehow gets here, to take Gohan and leave. He'd take care of it and come get us.

I decided we needed to buy stuff for cake. Vegeta went over to the cupboards by the stove and dropped a few boxes of mix at the counter where I was sitting. He said if I could make the icing without making a mess, he'd bake one.

^_^


	24. Chapter 24

So it was Hollo-een yesterday, and Gohan got lots of candy. He went tricking with Trunks.

Vegeta spent a lot of time outside with candles and a bowl of stuff that he wouldn't tell me what it was. He said it was for something called... um... Sowin? He said he'd heard about it on the teevee a long time ago and it reminded him of some of the holidays at home. He said that it can last a few days, so he thought we could all do stuff this week. There was a month-long harvest-butcher festival he remembered from a kid. I can't spell that!

He's so cool. I mean, he worked out how to make this place fit what he was used to before. He's figured out how to fit in. I can't do that!

I want some candy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, he called it "tricking." I thought it was adorbs and decided to keep the autocorrect. LOL
> 
> "Sowin" is Samhain! :)


	25. Chapter 25

I slept in today. When I woke up, I didn't think anybody was home. I grabbed some juice from the fridge and went outside. The weather is nice. It's not 'spost to be so warm this time of year. It's usually cold and gross. 

There was a big drowt this year, so I guess it just stayed warmish. Maybe the dirt just got too hot and never cooled off. I remember how bad it was this summer. Me and Vegeta just layed out on the dead grass at night while Gohan was sleeping with all the fans on him.

Anyway, it turned out that they were just outside carving pumkins. Vegeta took Gohan to get some. My job was to put the seeds on a towel to dry them out. Vegeta wants to bake them later. He said he wants to save some for planting.

I guess we're gonna live here a long time, then. I said that to Vegeta and he asked me if I wanted to. He said the seeds would keep if we move. I said I would go wherever he did. I think he smiled at me.


	26. Chapter 26

Gohan had a birthday. He's 15 now. Vegeta said that means he's a man now, so he gets to choose what he wants to do for his birthday. All Gohan wanted was a cake and some presents. 

So 18 and Piccolo and Korin came over and he opened presents. He got some socks with leaves on them from 18 and Piccolo. I think she helped him pick them out or something. Korin gave him some magic bubbles. Apparently, if you blow some, they play music notes as they pop. Gohan said he's saving those.

He got some notebooks from his old principal in the mail. 18 brought the box over from the post offiss in the city.

Vegeta made a pretty wood box for him with Saiyan letters on it. It's supposed to say Gohan on it, but I think it says more than that, because I do know that in Saiyan, and Gohan learned to read more. He cried a little when he read what it said, too. 

I told Gohan I helped with it. I didn't think it was a big deal, but Vegeta said I cut the wood for the box and chose the tree. Gohan got all surprised and happy. Vegeta smiled at me.

I feel like it was a bigger deal than what I know. I don't think it was just a box. Piccolo was looking at me funny, and 18 was smiling, too. Korin had this big grin on his face and said he was happy for us.

I'm confused, but I think it's ok because when he said that, Vegeta came over and sat on the arm of my cushy chair.

I don't know why Krillin didn't come.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to share this. My Kindle autocorrected these...
> 
> Vegeta: Vegetables, Baguette  
> Piccolo: Puccini
> 
> Now I'm hungry.


	27. Chapter 27

A big packidge came in the mail for Gohan today from Ox King. I guess it's Christmas soon, since it's getting colder, too. I mean, it was pretty chilly when I opened the door to bring it in. At least I don't think it's a really late birthday present...

So, um, he put a letter in the box for Gohan and another one for me. Gohan said he was coming to visit soon. I asked how he knew where we lived, but he doesn't know. 18 apparently brought the box over last night while I was asleep. I was glad, because I don't know what I'd do if Chi-Chi had found us.

I had Vegeta tell me what my letter said after dinner, and he told me that Ox King was asking my permishun to come see us. There was some other stuff in it about custody rights and law-yurs, but Vegeta said that it wasn't anything to worry about.

I told him my head hurt really bad, and he asked if he could help me. He's never done that before, so I told him why not. He kind of rubbed at my shoulders for a bit, and I think I fell asleep, cuz I woke up listening to him on the phone from the other room. I think it was Ox King on the other end, cuz Vegeta was telling somebody there'd be no visits if "the harpy" would find out about it. 

I watched some water run down the inside of the window above the sink for a while. I remember thinking it must've been really cold out there to fog up the windows.

Vegeta came back to the kitchen and sat down, and told me that if Gohan wants to see his grandpa, he'll take him over to his house. I asked him why Ox King couldn't just come over, and he said the sitchuashun smelled bad. I understood.

We sat there for a long time, and it was too hot, so Vegeta fussed with the fireplace. I was listening to our water heater clicking on and off when he cleared his throat and said he needed to ask me something.

I said okay.

He sat there for a long time and then he asked me if I got what was happening. I laughed and said that if he was asking me that, then I probably didn't. He sorta smiled at me again, which just confused me more, and said that all of this was hard for him.

Not like, he "couldn't do it" hard, but more like he "didn't expect it" hard. I knew what that meant, and I said so. He said that was good. Then he asked me if I knew what people thought about us all living here. I didn't know, so I asked him if he did.

He didn't answer me, but he did ask me what I thought of it. I said it was nice. I get to live with Gohan and my best friend. He smiled again, but he wasn't looking at me. I tried to get him to, but he just reached out and held my wrist against the table. I don't think he was worried I'd touch him or anything, like when he used to grab my wrists during spars if I got too close sometimes. It looked like he was thinking really hard.

I asked him what was going on. He kinda jumped a little, like I'd startled him, and his eyes were wide when he finally did look at me.

He was really quiet when he said he didn't want this to end. He said he wanted all of us to keep living here, and maybe grow a garden, and maybe get a "stoopid" cat. He said he didn't know how to get me to understand that he wanted it, cuz Bulma would say mean things whenever he tried to tell her, so he'd just give up trying to talk about it at all. To anybody.

I said I knew what he meant, and he moved his hand from my wrist to my hand. I turned my hand over so our palms were touching, and he sighed and closed his eyes. I told him that I don't get much, but I know that I like what we have here. And that I want goats, and maybe a cow, cuz they moo and it sounds funny. He laughed a little and said that everybody thought we were dating.

Vegeta asked me if I wanted to go on a date. I asked him if he did. He said he thought they were stoopid, and then he picked up my hand and kissed it. I kinda stared at him for a while, and then he got up and left the kitchen when Gohan was out of the bath.

I don't know why he did that, but it was nice. I want him to do it again.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to a happy accident, I got one of those Fire HD 8 things and ordered a Bluetooth keyboard... SO I CAN TYPE. WOO!!! I've been DYING to write more than I was able to. It's my life, and it don't feel so good to not be able to LIFE.
> 
> Anyway, this means I should be able to update more of my stuff, and get some of my other ideas out and about soon. Health permitting.

Well, Christmas was fun, I guess. Gohan got lots of presents from everybody. He was happy.

Bulma dropped Trunks off for a couple days, and he stayed in Gohan's room. He brought over one of his gamey things. They made a lot of noise, so Vegeta went in and told them off a few times. I thought it was funny, even though I did get a headache from it. 

We didn't have a tree, because it's stoopid to go out and kill one when we could go outside and see one. At least that's what Vegeta said. I saw him standing by the window in the living room, looking at the one just outside a few times.

I haven't opened my present yet. It's from Vegeta. He said it didn't matter that I forgot about the holiday and didn't get him or Gohan anything. He told Gohan his stuff was from both of us. But I don't feel right about opening mine until I can figure out what to get Vegeta.


	29. Chapter 29

It snowed last night. There was this nice, thick blanket on the ground this morning. I heard some birds chirping. They seemed happy for the snow, too.

Gohan stayed at Trunks' this weekend. I'm glad they're getting along. Trunks used to not like Gohan so much, but he seems over it now. Kids are strange.

I spent the rest of the time I wasn't hunting, with Vegeta. 

I bought him a pair of grey PJ pants to make up for the present I forgot. I opened mine and there was a book inside, with Saiyan letters written out. Vegeta said he'd help me learn them. I'm really excited to praktise!

One other big thing happened, too, but I'm not ready to write about it yet. I need more time, Jernal.

Oh! And Ox King offered to pay for a law-yur so I can get custodee of Gohan. Vegeta thought that was a great idea, and said that if the others would be karakter witnesses, it would probably help.

Anyway, time to go now. It's past my bedtime, and Vegeta is keeping the bed warm for me. ^__^

 


	30. Chapter 30

Vegeta wants to do this thing called a "great right" in May this year. He says it's a "fitting thing to do, considering."

I didn't know what it was and he said it was this ritual where we'd go into the forest and repeat what we did last week while Gohan wasn't home. He said it would make the ansesstors happy, just like teaching me Saiyan will, like he promised them at Sowin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "great right" = Wiccan Great Rite. Vegeta's version is a fertility ritual based on what he remembers of Saiyan ancestral mating rites, combined with the basic Wiccan Great Rite. 
> 
> "Sowin" = Samhain. Pronounced Sao-in, not Sam-hane. It's a sabbat, or holiday that occurs around Halloween and Vegeta honors his ancestors then, because it's the closest he's found to his own Saiyan holiday for it. It helps him with his grief.


	31. Chapter 31

Gohan saw the bruise on Vegeta's neck last night, and got upset about it. He thought we were fighting while he was away, like his mom and me used to.

I tried to tell him that we were still sparring, and remind him we're Saiyans, yanno? But then Vegeta said he was old enough to understand and told him we got mated. It's like Saiyan marriage, but it's permanent.

Gohan wanted to know where my bruise was, and Vegeta told him that since I'm the stronger one of us, it's his right to bear my mark. Gohan didn't like that, but he seemed to settle down once Vegeta stayed with him in his room to tell him more about it.

I went to sleep confused because I didn't have a headache. I always have one before bed.

Breakfast this morning was stressful. Krillin came over and wanted to talk to me. He said some things I don't really understand... like I was being used by Vegeta for something. I don't get it.

I got mad and told him that he shouldn't have said that in front of my family. He brought up Chi-Chi, and I said no. Chi-Chi was never my family. He said some other things about fag-its and how bad they were, and how he could see why I'd be ok with Vegeta doing those things to me because of what Chi-Chi did to me, but that I should just take Gohan and leave.

I'm not sure what happened next, but Vegeta had Krillin by the throat. I don't know why, but I told Krillin that if Vegeta wanted him dead, I'd let him do it. That I wouldn't do anything to stop it. Gohan just stood there, quiet.

I don't know why I got so mad. It's just... Vegeta makes me happy. It's been a long time since I was happy.

How can Krillin be so mean? Chi-Chi hurt me and Gohan...

I decided to stay in our room until Vegeta came in to tell me before dinner we'd all go out if I was up to it.

Why was Krillin so mean?

My headache isn't as bad today, but it still hurts.


	32. Chapter 32

Dinner last night was pretty good. We went to some sushi place, but I ended up getting steak. Hehe.

Gohan's never had sushi before, so he over ate and got a tummy ache. Vegeta stayed up with him for a while.

I guess he's not got enough Saiyan in him to deal with bad food or sumthing. Poor Gohan. I wanted to give him food to cheer him up, but um... that probably won't help.

I think Vegeta had some sushi, but there was this weird stuff on his plate that I don't know what it was.

All we did today was sit around. Gohan asked Vegeta more about Saiyan stuff, and he said he'd try to answer what he could.

I got to listen to him talk about his mom, and his gramma, and about the kinds of games he played as a kid. He didn't bring it up, but we both knew he was talking about his life before Frieza probably.

He has nightmares sometimes about that time. Whenever we share a bed, he wakes up a lot. I can usually hug him and he sleeps better. Maybe that's why he's in my room a lot more now. We haven't done that thing where we're doing stuff without clothes on since Gohan got back, so I don't know why.

I want to write down what he said before I forget it.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to tell y'all that I read all of your beautiful comments, and they are really wonderful. I haven't commented on most of them, mostly because I can't think of what to say. A ":)" just isn't enough! I want to say something that matches your lovely words, but by the time I can put something together, months will go by.
> 
> And I apologise if them finally getting together seemed anti-climactic. I promise there's some good drama coming. It just seemed like a natural progression was best for this.

Vegeta and I went for a walk today. The snow melted a little, so it was all squishy in places.

It was nice. I realised that I haven't gotten around to really seeing the woods yet. I have so many trees yet to meet! And when spring gets here... I'll be outside looking at birds a lot.

There was a nice breeze. It wasn't too cold.

We talked about random things. Vegeta told me that he signed some papers before we moved in together that deevorst him and Bulma. He said that he had custodee of Trunks, because Bulma said he could so long as he let him live with her. He said that was unusual, but she was probably taking pity on him.

I said he's not pitiful! He smiled his tiny smile and when I reached for him, he didn't move away.

I've never held hands with somebody besides Gohan before. I didn't really notice it at first, but Vegeta is really warm. Maybe it's cuz of the gloves he used to wear, but his hand was soft, too.

I got a little too excited and grabbed him in a hug, but he just laughed sort of and let me. I told him that was confusing and he said that I have the right to do whatever I want. But I thought he didn't like touching.

He told me that the problem is how much touching he _does_ want. It made him uncomfortable before cuz he knew he couldn't get all that he wanted, so he would stop me. He couldn't even do stuff with Bulma. I think I understand.

He said he wished he could spend more time with Trunks, but he looks so much like her that he feels bad. He said I was lucky that Gohan at least has my colouring. I think I laughed because it made me think of the rainbow biscuit cookies 18 sent over this morning. Vegeta just rolled his eyes at me.

Oh, you should have seen his face! It was all pink. When she told me what they meant, I thought it was cute. 

I guess they've been talking, so she knows about what happened. I guess she knows I slept with Vegeta...

Anyway... our walk was really nice, Jernal. I want Gohan to go visit Trunks again soon.

 


	34. Chapter 34

I guess I should write down some of the stuff I've been doing the past few weeks before I forget.

So, I've been praktising my Saiyan letters. Vegeta says they're actually whole words to start off with instead of letters, but he's only having me copy them now. I don't know what they mean yet.

It turns out that there's this thing where people would make them all fancy and it was this sacred art or something. It's a big deal that I can make them look pretty, so Vegeta wants me to do that while I'm lerning.

I guess.

It makes him happy, and he gets handsy when I try it, so I see no reason to argue. Even if it is boring and I wish he'd just put his hands  _in_ my pants instead of up my shirt. Like, how am I supposed to lern anything if I can't get my dick to just go away and let me be? I can't even train like this.

I hope he's just as miserable! I bet he is, cuz he makes those pretty noises while he's sleeping that keep me awake. 

He told me that if I can just get ten words right, he'll send Gohan to the Lookout and make it worth it.

SIGH.

And then 18 came over with baby Marron after lunch! She was born about two weeks ago, I think. Apparently all 18 gets done is nursing, changing, and baking things. She can't get any sleep, but we get to have all the baked stuff we like now. ^_^

She keeps everything bright and colourful. Vegeta told her to stop that cuz there's already too many bright colours in his life. I said I didn't wear my gi anymore! Then he said it was seered into his retinahs forever a long time ago.

18 laughed and said we were adorable, and she'd make less brightly coloured food if we kissed in front of her.

Vegeta's ears went pink, and I said that's not fair! Then she said she was joking, but he walked right up to me and kissed me on the mouth anyway. He even used his tongue, which was nice, but it won't make me lern those damn words!!

Oh, well.

I got to hold the baby for a little while. She was asleep. Then she woke up and started crying, and I was scared I'd hurt her, but 18 just took her back and started to feed her. She asked if that was ok, though she'd already started anyway... Vegeta just said 'whatever,' and sat next to me on the arm of the cushy chair. 

I was tired, so I put my head on his lap and he combed my hair with his fingers. It was really nice.

When I opened my eyes, 18 and the baby were gone, and Vegeta said Gohan went with them to buy some stuff. He slid off the chair to the floor between my knees, and I let him pull my pants down enough that he could suck on my dick until there was white cream in his mouth. 

After he put everything back where it goes, he kissed my forehead and said he knew how hard I've been working.

He grabbed my hand and we went to my room. I was really glad Gohan was out for a while. I really like those pretty noises..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating has been changed to T. I figure that's good enough.


	35. Chapter 35

I'm writing this at the Lookout.

This morning, somebody was banging on the door, and when I went to answer it, there was this lady there and a police offisser man was with her.

She said she was from child protektive servisses and she wanted to speak to me and Gohan.

I got a bad headache and my belly started to hurt, so I went and got Vegeta. He told me to stay in our room while he talked to them and got Bulma on the phone.

I couldn't hear that much, but I did hear raised voices after a while. It sounded like Vegeta and the woman, but then the offisser man said something and she stopped yelling.

I just sat on the bed under a blanket. I couldn't stop crying. I just wanted to get Gohan and leave, but I was too scared I'd mess something up and make it worse. I really tried to stop. I'm supposed to be strong. But I felt so sick, and all I could hear was Chi-Chi screaming at me and then all I could feel was her hitting my head where it hurts all the time.

Vegeta opened the door and let the offisser man into the room. The offisser man asked me if I was okay to make a statement about how Chi-Chi used to treat me and Gohan. My head hurt too much and I couldn't stop crying. I don't think he noticed, cuz I was hiding my face. I'm used to being quiet, too.

Vegeta told him it could wait. He said I wasn't feeling so good. The offisser man said he still needed to talk to Gohan, and Vegeta said he'd go get him if he could leave us alone for a minute. He said Bulma was coming over with the law-yurs.

The offisser man left.

Vegeta knelt in front of the bed and wiped my face and kissed me. He used his tongue in the way I like. He said he'd fix everything, and not to worry. That he'd call Ox King once everybody got to our house and sort everything. He kissed me again, real careful, and then he grabbed the bag of stuff he had me pack a few months ago. He put it on the bed, told me to wash my face, and then said to go to the Lookout.

So I did, and now I'm here.

Piccolo is nearby. He looks like he knows what's going on.

I don't want to know. I'm scared. I just want to go home.

I want Vegeta.


	36. Chapter 36

It's been a couple days. Mister Popo made me some yummy food, but I didn't eat much.

Dende offered to heal me if I was sick or hurt, but I told him it's not that kind of sickness or pain. I told him I thought Chi-Chi was trying to hurt me through Gohan and that I didn't know what to do. 

He said they'd work it all out. He told me to eat so I have strength. He said to trust my friends.

I'm going to bed early today.

I think I'll go to Grampa's tomorrow. Bulma knows where it is if she needs me.

I missed TV night with Gohan.


	37. Chapter 37

I went to see Grampa today. I mean, I went to his house. I guess he's not there anymore, right? Not for a long time. But I still go from time to time because it _feels_ like he's there.

Piccolo said he wanted to come with, so I just shrugged and flew off. He followed.

He was quiet the whole way there, but when we landed he asked me about my grampa. I told him he was really nice. He taught me how to hunt and fish and even a little bit about how to grow my own food. He made sure I knew what kind of people weren't the nice kind, but I didn't understand any of that until a lot later. 

Piccolo just listened, mostly. He told me he had his dad's memories, but that they didn't really show him anything true about the world, or the people of Earth.

I kinda understood what he was saying. I mean, his dad wasn't a good person. He obviously would have had some messed up ideas about people and things and... well, everything, really.

He asked me if I was happy.

I don't know why... I just... sort of stood there and didn't say anything.

I watched him look around the place like he'd never been there before when I realised he hadn't. I was sad all of the sudden. He didn't ever have anybody to take care of him. I told him that and he just smiled at me a bit and said that I teknikally didn't either. At least not for long enough.

I said that maybe I wouldn't have made so many mistakes if I had.

He said that some mistakes are inevitable. Then he said Gohan wasn't a mistake. Maybe the circumstances of his birth were, but even then they weren't  _mine._

I asked him how he knew.

He said it wasn't hard to figure with some of the things Gohan had told him about home.

My belly was hurting and my face was hot.

He said he didn't mean to upset me. He wasn't judging me, just telling me somebody knows what's been going on.

I remember rubbing at my face and my hand came away wet.

I said I miss Grampa.

Piccolo said he wished he could have met him.


	38. Chapter 38

I stayed at the Lookout today, for the most part.

Piccolo asked if I wanted to spar, so that's what we did for a while. My heart wasn't in it, but it did help me feel a little better.

After Piccolo left yesterday, I stayed behind to talk to Grampa. I told him about everything, and I asked him what I should do.

I didn't come away with an answer, but I did feel like maybe I ought to just take Gohan and leave. Sometimes I just want to leave Earth... but where would I go? I have these dreams of this place that's really humid sometimes and really dry other times. It's got this red sky. And the animals are all really big, too.

I want to go there, but I don't know where it is or what I'd even do there.

I've always imagined myself living there, even as a little kid. It's where I go in my head when things get real bad. When I can't do it, my head always hurts more.

I managed to eat lunch today and a little bit of dinner. 

Vegeta came by during dinner to tell me that Bulma's law-yurs were taking care of everything. All they needed was to ask me some questions about what I wanted them to do. He said Gohan was at Bulma's playing with Trunks, and that he'll stay there because Bulma can get something called a restraining order as soon as I say so. I didn't know what that was, but Piccolo told me it was a piece of paper that can get somebody in a lot of trouble if they get too close. He figured it would help protect Gohan from Chi-Chi.

Vegeta said that's the idea.

So I went with him to Bulma's. Her law-yurs were there and they asked me a bunch of questions. They wanted me to tell them if I wanted full custodee and if I had any evidence of what Chi-Chi's done to both of us. I didn't think I did, but Vegeta said that I had nightmares about it.

Bulma said she could prove Chi-Chi hurt me. She said she just needed a doctor to examine me. Then she asked me if I still had headaches. I said I did.

The law-yurs asked what she meant, and Vegeta said Chi-Chi hit me on the head hard enough to knock me out. He said that had to leave something permanent, right? One of them said that a concushun would leave evidence, and then said that once an appointment with a doctor was skeduled one of them would go with me to document the findings.

I didn't say that I'd already hit my head once and nobody brought it up.

On the way back to the Lookout, Bulma hugged me and said everything would work out.

Vegeta kissed me and said he would stay to make sure Gohan was okay and to answer some questions they had for him.

I went to sleep with Piccolo just standing in the doorway. I didn't ask him why he was there, and he didn't leave until after I was asleep, probably, since I woke up later and he wasn't there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think he's been dreaming of?


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this next big batch written up since 2/15, but I just haven't been feeling up to posting. Valentine's sucked balls (sadly, not mine!), my best friend died (and everybody who knew waited two fuckin' weeks to TELL ME), and the racism in DAI is messing with my head on top of it all.
> 
> Seeing as I just got a PS4, I know I won't be writing anything for a while, so here's the big batch I did write already.

Today's my day to meet with the judge. Bulma coming too, and so are the law-yurs. They have the report from the doctor, too. The one that says I had a concushun when I was sort of a baby still and then a newer one on top of that. Bulma said it sucked that they couldn't pin both on Chi-Chi, but I thought that was unfair.

Vegeta didn't. He thought she deserved way worse than why we were here.

I didn't say anything else cuz he'd been really grumpy with everyone lately. I mean, he's been nice enough to me, but he wasn't always... I don't want to know if he'll get angry with me again.

 


	40. Chapter 40

So the judge was nice. She was a pretty lady with red hair and I think her eyes were green. Or blue. Bulma said they were hazel, but I thought that was a plant. She said 'no, that was witch hazel,' and I guess the judge lady is a Wicka like Vegeta. Or something.

I said something about it and she said 'oh, Goku,' like she used to when we were younger... so I guess that was ok. Vegeta just shrugged like he didn't know what was going on anyway. The offisser lady that was walking us out just smiled at me.

Oh, well.

We all went out to eat after that to some steak place. It was good. I ate more potatoes than meat, though. Bulma was worried and Vegeta said he thought it was fine. He was just glad that I was eating.Oh! I completely forgot. Gosh.

The judge lady is helping me to get deevorsed from Chi-Chi. She said that since she's the only judge in the disstrikt she'll be helping me with getting custodee of Gohan, too. She also said that she can't promise anything, but she had told the law-yurs that if Vegeta adopted Gohan then my chances would be higher. But that also meant that Trunks had to have a room at our place and had to come visit more often since he had full custodee.

I thought that was ok.

Vegeta said it was Gohan's decision. I think he'll agree to it.

I think he should probably talk to Piccolo about it, too.

I mean, we talked a lot about how he felt about Vegeta. He said that it wasn't his business what I did, but he wanted to be sure Gohan was ok. I told him all about what they've been doing and how smart Gohan is. How happy he is now. That seemed to help.

Plus, I'm gonna be staying at the Lookout for a few more days cuz there's a new guy from child protektive servisses who's supposed to show up sometime next month and Vegeta wants time to clean the place up and make it nice.

I guess we're all slobs. Hehe. He told me to be sure I had something to bring home with me when he called to let me know it was time to come home. That way it looked like I was doing something good as Gohan's dad. I asked him what I should bring, but he said to ask Piccolo.

Ok. So I'll ask Piccolo. I guess.

After we ate, we went to pick Gohan up from Bulma's to take him home, but Vegeta wanted to get him some new clothes. I guess he's outgrowing his old ones. I mean, I knew he needed new shoes. And he's been wearing my socks... so.... He probably does.

I know how Vegeta feels about crowds, so I asked if I could take him. He said that would be ok, but that Bulma had to go, too. I thought she'd be mad, but she said she'd go. She just needed her credit card. So when we all got to Bulma's, she got her stuff and changed her clothes and the three of us went to get Gohan some clothes. Vegeta said he'd stay with Trunks and Bulma's mom ended up with something for him to help her with. I guess he wasn't be bored!

When we got to the store, Bulma told Gohan to get whatever he wanted, but to be reasonable. No diamond enkrusted shoelaces or anything. It was nice to see him smile.

She told me I needed to get some stuff, too. I didn't know what she meant, but she just pointed at the guy's section and said to 'have at it.'

I did, I guess. I grabbed a bunch of stuff that I thought would fit me and brought it over to her. She told me to go try it on, but I didn't know where to go.

This guy with blonde hair came over and she told him what was going on. So he helped me figure it all out. Most of the stuff I got didn't fit, so he measured me. It tickled!

I think he was having a good day, cuz he kept giggling every time he walked into the room. I kept my underwear on so I kept looking to see if I had any holes in it or something.

He even asked me for my number! When he did that, I knew why he was giggling so much! I remembered how guys always did that to Bulma. I told him I was already married. He got all sad, but then I said he could still touch me like he did when he measured me while he helped me try on my clothes if it made him feel better.

He just shook his head and said that it wouldn't be right. I shrugged and said 'ok.'

He did say 'thanks, though' and smiled at me. I thought he was cute. I wanted to introduce him to Bulma, but then I remembered what 18 told me about the rainbow biscuit cookies and didn't. I thought Vegeta would like him. I guess I'll never know now.

He was really nice, though. When we checked out everybody's stuff, including some stuff Bulma got Trunks for skool, he folded everything for us. I know that was important cuz everybody before us and after us got their stuff just shoved into their bags. Hehe.

Maybe it was cuz I was the only adult guy in the store besides him?

 


	41. Chapter 41

Not much happened today.

I mainly just stayed at the Lookout and helped Dende water all the plants. 

I remember thinking Nameks were like big, green, talking, walking plants. When I told Dende, he laughed and said he supposes that's true.

I looked over and Piccolo was just shaking his head. I can't be sure, but I think he was smiling.

 


	42. Chapter 42

I helped Mister Popo dust.

You wouldn't believe how much dust gets all over everything here! Wow!


	43. Chapter 43

Bulma came by to give me some papers to fill out. She said they were for the judge. They were for custodee, and she didn't know enough about my grampa or my life in general to fill them out for me to get things moving faster.

I told her I couldn't really help her cuz I can't read or write that well. She got this weird look on her face and turned red. She said 'sorry' a bunch of times, then cleared her throat and read me the questions.

When she left, she was looking at me with that same look.

I asked Piccolo what it meant, and he thought it meant she was really sorry, maybe even for a lot of other things, too, cuz he thought that the look had 'layers' or something.

He's so deep.

 


	44. Chapter 44

Vegeta came by today with Gohan and we sparred. 

It'd been a while, so it was nice to be able to do it. Gohan was his usual self, so neither of us went too hard on him. I don't think he likes to fight much. I don't blame him. He's really smart, so he doesn't have to fight. I don't really want him to _have_ to, anyway.

Gohan spent some time with Piccolo. I think he was trying to teach him how to play some game or something.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end of this batch. I thought I'd had more written, and it turned out I didn't. So I am sorry about that. Things have just been making writing this thing difficult right now.


End file.
